Of Mixed Emotions
Dr. David Kim, MD, MBA and CEO Beacon 360
These last several weeks, I feel like I have lived out, in many ways, that famous opening of Charles Dickens’ classic “A Tale of Two Cities”, describing the times surrounding the French Revolution:
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”
Much like the above quote, and like many others, I’ve been experiencing such a strange mix of emotions as NYC slowly emerges from the coronavirus epidemic. They’ve ranged from relief and joy over what we have seen God do in healing our community and beyond, to despair and concern about the hardening of hearts and attitudes towards God and towards healthcare in general. I’ve been disheartened at seeing daily how people have gone beyond “social distancing” to complete distancing from each other in every way: physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. It has been the worst of times because on top of all our recent troubles, we are seeing people just plain angry and bewildered. The wildly conflicting information regarding coronavirus in the media has caused medical students and residents alike to be “looking forward” to “escaping from New York City”, or as one resident put it, never taking their PPE off in the hospital again, not knowing who to turn to when it comes to coping with COVID-19 and the ongoing strife in the aftermath. As one crisis has almost overnight taken a back seat to another, the pent up fear and anger has unfortunately found an unhealthy release. People who were confident that “we have regained our destiny” are now wondering how they could have lost so much control so quickly, and have taken to the streets to try to grasp something they feel they have control over.
When I hear these stories, from both community people and medical people, I too am tempted to wonder if life will ever be “back to normal,” and whether people will ever learn to live on any basic level of civility again. Yet through all of our current travails, I have seen how, paradoxically, these have also been the “best of times.” How can I say this, even as I sit here, trying to muster the energy to finish this long-delayed post? It’s because we still see lives healed, and people’s hope restored through our work. It’s because we see young health care professionals-to-be who still look to do medicine “the right way”, because of what we try to show them by example. It’s because even though many around us are trying to forget who God really is, our mission continues: to be a “beacon” of hope for everyone in our community and our city. Beyond comforting the sick, now is the time when we can do the most good; to give hope and provide both a physical and spiritual common ground for all of us to remember that the core of our profession, and our humanity, is based on loving – and taking care of - the very next person we meet. God has been showing us at Beacon that He actually still cares, even if most do not believe so, and in some cases, He lovingly induces people to recognize who He is. Maybe we are all still looking, as a society, for a “new normal”. But maybe, instead of trying to return in some way to a past sense of “normal”, we should look at the future as a new, fresh opportunity to begin to truly heal together, with the help of a Healer who loves this imperfect world so much that He tries to remind us that He has given all of Himself for it – and for us.
